Two weeks from now, I’ll already be in Toronto, or rather, I’ll be arriving soon. It’s kind of scary… I’m not feeling so great right now… I spent the whole week clearing out my apartment and everything was fine.
Today, we moved the first big pieces of furniture into the basement and suddenly the apartment feels really empty.

Man, why am I doing this to myself? Everything was actually great last year, for example, training for the Vulkanbike Festival, cycling about 120 km every week, that was really cool. Now I haven’t been biking for almost three weeks and I’m going crazy, but something always came up or I was too lazy, too tired, or whatever…

And apart from that, everything was fine here: cool colleagues, I finally know a few people in Cologne to go out with, I know a few bars, I’ve “tamed” my sweet Luna, but no… now of all times I have this great idea and I’m throwing everything away. And for what: living out of a suitcase for an indefinite period of time, no or hardly any privacy, no more regular routines, nothing permanent or reliable, everything new all the time… Sometimes I can only shake my head at myself.

On the other hand, my “silly” ideas have always worked out well for me so far, and I wouldn’t be here today if that weren’t the case.
It has never led to a huge disaster or a worst-case scenario… what could possibly happen?

This line from Karate Kid IV (I know, I should be ashamed of even knowing this movie 😉 ) keeps running through my head: when Mr. Myagi and Julie Angel release the bird that Julie nursed back to health, Mr. Myagi says:
Sometimes you’ve been locked up for so long that you’re afraid of freedom.
Well, something like that, anyway.
In any case, it always seems to apply when you’re afraid of new things, and somehow the line calms me down.

Funny, but writing a blog seems to have a calming effect too—at least I’m feeling better now.
I just tried packing my suitcase and everything fit—yay… 🙂

Robbin, my first couch surfing host, got back in touch yesterday and it turns out we have even more in common than I thought.
I’m really excited and hope we get along well. Maybe I’ll have my first home away from home right away 🙂
Actually, everything is going really well, maybe you need a little panic now and then to keep your feet on the ground 😉

I’m going to go eat some ice cream now, after all, I should defrost the freezer as soon as possible….
The next time I write, I’ll already be out of the apartment (very likely, anyway)… oh dear, the next wave of panic is rolling in…